Do you feel old and surrounded by youth that seems to think they know it all? And are you sick of feeling like no matter what you do, you can never keep up with modern technology or the newest trends? Read Alyse's monthly blog and learn how to blend in with the young kids and become a "cool" oldie. This weeks topic: How to internet!
Hello dear readers!
Is that what you are supposed to say? I have no clue.
Anyways, I am not sure how this blog thing works and honestly, I feel way too old to be doing it, but here goes. Eleanore tells me blogs are very trendy and the youth love them, so of course, she convinced me to give it a go. Apparently, all you have to do is write down your thoughts and post them to the world wide web. Seems easy right? WRONG! Do you know how hard it is to keep up with all this modern technology when you are almost a century old? I know I don’t look it, but being 75 and learning about all these Social Media things is not a walk in the park, let me tell you. Now imagine if I was ancient like Jacalyn. Poor soul probably doesn’t even know how to use a toaster. Or Valeriu! I swear I once saw him totally destroy a car because it was speaking back to him. Of course, it was just the satellite navigation system, but Valeriu isn’t exactly someone who likes to be bossed around and especially not by an insufferable witch lady with a high pitched voice that he couldn’t see. It was funny to behold him on such a rampage against witchcraft, but honestly, who of us oldies have not had a few moments when we wished for a simpler time before all this machinery and technology.
I know I am not alone in struggling to keep up with the times, so this will be my way of sharing both my experiences and advice on how to stay updated on new foolish inventions and trends or at the very least trick people into thinking you are. Each month I will be writing about a new topic and telling you things that will help you fit in with the human faction, and also make you the “hippest” oldie in your group of friends.
I would love for your input. If you have any good stories, questions or concerns, please send me a letter or a mail if you must. I have always found that letters are much better and always arrive, unlike email that sometimes seems to disappear into the dark pit that is the internet.
This weeks topic is….
I realize the irony of this seeing as the blog is posted online, so if you are reading it you must already know how to log on and use the internet? That might be so, but I hope to publish these blog things on paper as well and hand them out to like-minded souls, but I just have to learn how to use the printer first…
Where is the damned button!? I swear the makers of these monstrosities did not have regular people in mind when creating these computers. With each new model it becomes harder and harder to find the on-button and in a few years, it will probably scan your eyeball of something just to let you log in. Urgh... Personally, I think they should make the button large and easy to see; that way no one will get stuck on the first step. Oh and I should probably add that being able to connect to the internet requires that you own a device from this century preferably, that is capable of connecting, and also that you have access to internet services. The internet is not some magical force that requires nothing, but you actually have to pay for the damned thing! Annoying I know.
Keyword: CATS! The internet is full of the cute little fluff balls. There are a lot of other things you can do of course, but no matter where you go, there they are again! Cats everywhere. I swear, one could almost think they were the ones running the parallel world that is the web.
For my own part, I always tend to get lost and then suddenly I stumble into in this place called Google. Not sure how it works or if it is telling me the truth, but Eleanore showed me how you can write in any question in the world and it will answer it for you. It gives the most ridiculous answers tho, so I am not sure it can be trusted. I mean, nothing can possibly know all the answers, can it? Much better to ask the ancestors and keep away from the black hole that is Google and the demons that live there.
I know it can be tempting to trash the stupid thingamabob when it is broken, but do attempt to restrain yourself. I have gone through 5 smartphones just in the last 3 months for various natural and uncommon reasons *cough*, but I swear I will try to take better care of my stuff in the future. My tip is this, if you won’t know what to do or it crashes, call a friend! Some might tell you to call IT but I have not figured out what it is yet. I mean it can be a million things and I don’t understand why people get so annoyed at me for not understanding what they are referring to. I have Eleanore on speed dial and for emergencies. Although, she doesn’t appreciate it when I call her and say it is an urgent crisis. Apparently, being stuck on the same page for an hour or not understanding how to close an app on my phone cannot be considered an emergency. But it isn’t my fault that the technology is evil and won’t cooperate!
That was all for this week! Join me next month when we will be talking about a new 21st-century invention and the culture of the “young”. Don't forget to send a letter, I mean mail if you have suggestions for topics.